Monday, May 10, 2010

I'm Not Bozo

It was first reported by local news stations before buzzing over the Internet and finally juggernauting to national coverage with enough detrimental momentum that Trevor “Giggles” McKewon hung up his big floppy shoes and retired his bulbous red nose forever.
Thirty-five years of twisting balloon animals, exploding cheap cigars and squirting plastic flowers from his lapel ended overnight when Omaha’s beloved children’s party entertainer was arrested for soliciting a prostitute.
Anchormen joked they had caught Giggles with his 'polkadotted' pants down as they ran video footage of police carting the belligerent clown away.
This was not the warmhearted entertainer cherished by millions for his Saturday morning antics and array of colorful hand-puppets. No. A different side of Giggles was captured and shown for all the world to see; a drunken, foul-mouth bigot still in grease-paint and rainbow wig who kicked and screamed and blamed the Jews and Hispanics and Liberals for contaminating American society.
The raid on the compound known as Bunnytail Ranch was conducted by Detective Emery Kurtz who had this comment; “McKewon also faces charges of resisting arrest and assaulting a police officer after throwing a banana cream pie at a member of the SWAT team.”
The Bunnytail Ranch had been under surveillance for months when police finally descended like hornets in the sting operation.
Giggles repeatedly stated that he had gone into the Adult Novelty section of the establishment to purchase an oversized bowtie but the police weren’t buying it.
Officers resorted to using a Tazer gun on Giggles after he attempted to escape by hiding in an imaginary box.
The suspect was subsequently handcuffed and placed in the back of a squad car awaiting to be transported to the police station.
Detective Kurtz at one point leaned into the window and asked the police officer behind the wheel how many clowns he thought could fit in the patrol car.
The officer behind the wheel didn't get it.
Giggle's laughed.
"That's enough Bozo!" snapped Kurtz.
"Um... Bozo has red hair. I'm..."
"Shut up," growled Kurtz. "All you clowns look alike."
At the arraignment, McKewon’s attorney suggested his client take the fifth amendment so he would not further incriminate himself and from that point when questioned, Giggles merely squeaked his metal horn.
After the clown went into a tirade in response to the prosecutor calling him a perverted letch who should be thrown to the lions, the judge cited Giggles for contempt of court over his incessant honking.
As a character witness the clown’s attorney called Mr. Puffin to the stand. The prosecutor objected on the grounds that Mr. Puffin was nothing more that an inflatable penguin.
“Overruled,” said the judge. “Let’s hear the testimony.”
For the next thirty minutes the courtroom listened intently to a faint fizzle as air escaped from a hole in Mr. Puffin’s head.
Both sides rested and within minutes the jury found Giggles guilty. He was sentenced to
six months in the state correctional facility and required to perform Sunday matinees for the prisoners in D block.
Not but two months into his stay at the Nebraska Correctional Center, Giggles tied together bed sheets and used them to hang himself from a overhead pipe in the laundry room.
“Look at that,” said one of the guards who found the dead clown swinging from the pipe. “He tied the sheet into a bicycle.”
“That’s not a bicycle, silly,” responded another guard. “That’s a poodle.”

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